by Jim Mize

• Introduction
• Female Dominance
• Doing the Bee Boogie
• Makin' Honey but Not Biscuits
• Steer Clear of Swarms
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Steer Clear of Swarms

One of the scariest sights you will ever see, excluding having one of your buddies back your trailer down a boat ramp, is a swarm of honeybees. The sight of 30,000 bees flying in a tight cloud is enough to cause kids to give up late-night horror films.

Typically, a swarm will settle on a tree limb or bush. They may stay here until an appropriate nest or cavity can be found. This is one good reason to always close your mailbox, at least if you want the mailman ever to return.

Bees swarm due to overcrowding and other factors. Considering that all the bees that matter are women, it could have been as simple as something one of them said or a dispute over wall colors. On this point, the robotic bee is not talking. But undoubtedly, the male bees had no idea why the women were mad anyway.

Most swarms occur in the spring or early summer. Experts recommend that if you see a swarm, either call a beekeeper or hive it yourself. So my advice is to call a beekeeper. Even though bees out for a jaunt tend to be in a good mood, remember there are 30,000 of them and they are mostly women.

With all the honey-making and tail-wagging going on, it’s no wonder bees lead such scandalous lives. I’d say more, but you never know exactly which wisecrack will get you kicked out of the hive.

Jim Mize lives in Simpsonville, S.C. He has collected the best of his outdoor humor in an award-winning book titled, “The Winter of Our Discount Tent.” Copies are available for $18.95 plus shipping and handling by calling (800) 768-2500.