Terrible tantrums

One minute your toddler is giggling with delight and in the next, he or she is having an uncontrollable meltdown and won’t listen to reason. As a caregiver, you feel embarrassed and upset.

What do you do?

“It’s easy to become overwhelmed when dealing with tantrums,” says Dr. Tom Reimers, child psychologist and author of “Help! There’s a Toddler in the House.” “Fortunately, this common behavioral problem can often be corrected if you avoid common mistakes and take positive action.”

Reimers notes the top five most common caregiver mistakes when kids have tantrums:

1. Ignoring tantrum precursors

Tantrums often feel like they come out of nowhere. While some are unavoidable, others can be diverted by paying attention to your child’s specific cues. You may notice your child whining, fidgeting, teasing and ignoring you. These are common clues that a meltdown may be coming. If you see these cues, try taking a break from whatever you’re doing or diverting your child’s attention to a new activity.

2. Starting to count down

A common way to handle tantrums is to count down; stating that if the behavior doesn’t stop by the count of three, the child is going to be in trouble. The problem is that this threat doesn’t correct the behavior in a manner that a small child can understand and it often leads to a power struggle.

A good approach is to walk away or resist reacting to the tantrum. Remember, your child is acting out of frustration, and when she or he is small, it’s a difficult emotion to master. You must model the behavior you expect in public and at home. Once emotions have leveled, you’ll have a better opportunity for discussing expectations.

3. Rewarding bad behavior

Tantrums can happen at the most inconvenient times. To get your child to act differently quickly, you beg him to stop by offering a treat or a sticker. Unfortunately, this sends a message to your child that bad behavior is rewarded.

Instead, focus on good behavior. Praising the times when she listens, follows directions and uses his or her manners reinforces the good. You may opt for an occasional sticker or treat as a reward if you’d like, but a “good job” and high-five from Mom or Dad is often enough to make tots grin from ear to ear.

4. Being unprepared with activities

A long trip to the grocery store or another errand is often unavoidable. However, children have short attention spans and need things to keep them occupied, so plan ahead. Bring along activities such as a new library book, a small toy car, a flashlight, stickers or coloring book long enough for you to complete your errand and keep your sanity.

5. Forgetting the tantrum after it’s over

Once one has passed, it’s tempting to move on. However, a better strategy once things have calmed down is to talk with your child directly without distractions, and state clearly that tantrum behavior is unacceptable. Then help your child learn age-appropriate coping mechanisms, like taking a deep breath and counting to 10 or hugging himself or herself tightly.